How You Can Use the NVC Process

TWO PARTS
Clearly explaining
how I am
without blaming 
or criticizing	Empathetically receiving
how you are
without hearing blame 
or criticism	

FOUR STEPS

1. OBSERVATIONS

What I observe (see, hear, remember – free from judgment or blame) that does or does not contribute to my well being:

“When I (see, hear) . . .”	What you observe (see, hear, remember – free from judgment or blame) that does or does not contribute to your well being:

“When you (see, hear) . . .”	

2. FEELINGS

How I feel (emotion or sensation rather than thought) in relation to what I observe: 

“I feel. . .”	How you feel (emotion or sensation rather than thought) in relation to what you observe: 

“You feel. . .”	

3. NEEDS

What I need or value (rather than a preference or specific action) that causes my feelings: 

“. . .because I need/value. . .”	What you need or value (rather than a preference or specific action) that causes your feelings: 

“. . .because you need/value. . .”	

4. REQUESTS

Clearly requesting (rather than demanding) concrete actions that would enrich my life: 

“Would you be willing to . . .?”	Empathetically receiving (without hearing any demand) concrete actions that you would like taken: 

“Would you like . . .?”	

© Marshall Rosenberg. For more info, visit www.CNVC.org.

Choices
•	Observe reality
•	Listen for MY feelings and needs
•	Listen for YOUR feelings and needs
•	Get to calm alert	•	Demand
•	Label
•	Blame
•	Complain	

Feelings
•	Amazed
•	Confident
•	Energetic
•	Glad
•	Inspired
•	Content	•	Joyful
•	Optimistic
•	Relieved
•	Surprised
•	Touched
•	Calm	•	Comfortable
•	Eager
•	Fulfilled
•	Hopeful
•	Intrigued
•	Curious	•	Moved
•	Proud
•	Stimulated
•	Grateful
•	Trustful
•	Open	

•	Angry
•	Confused
•	Disappointed
•	Stressed
•	Frustrated
•	Scared
•	Shocked
•	Bored	•	Hopeless
•	Irritated
•	Nervous
•	Puzzled
•	Sad
•	Worried
•	Tired
•	Withdrawn	•	Annoyed
•	Concerned
•	Discouraged
•	Embarrassed
•	Helpless
•	Torn
•	Upset
•	Wary	•	Impatient
•	Lonely
•	Overwhelmed
•	Reluctant
•	Uncomfortable
•	Vulnerable
•	Hurt
•	Helpless	

Needs 
Autonomy
•	Choosing dreams/goals/values
•	Choosing/creating plans 
•	Power with my world
•	Growth/learning

Physical Nurturance
•	Air * Food * Water
•	Shelter * Touch 
•	Rest/Relaxation
•	Health
•	Stability
•	Warmth/closeness
•	Movement, exercise
•	Sexual expression
•	Protection/Safety 	Integrity
•	Authenticity * Creativity
•	Meaning * Purpose 
•	Self-worth

Spiritual Communion
•	Beauty * Harmony
•	Inspiration * Order 
•	Peace
•	Awe * Wonder

Celebration/Play
•	Fun * Laughter
•	Celebrate the creation of life and dreams fulfilled
•	Celebrate losses: loved ones, dreams, etc (mourning)
•	Creativity/self-expression	Community 
•	Acceptance 
•	Appreciation
•	Acknowledgement
•	Closeness 
•	Emotional Safety 
•	Empathy
•	To contribute
•	To be heard
•	Connection
•	Love 
•	Reassurance
•	Respect 
•	Trust 
•	Cooperation
•	Consideration
•	Harmony
•	Belonging/Inclusion